olive juice

A dramatic Shakespearean response to every situation

• When something bad happens: True is it that we have seen better days.
• When something REALLY bad happens: O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day! Most lamentable day. Most woeful day That ever, ever I did yet behold! O day, O day, O day! O hateful day! Never was seen so black a day as this.O woeful day! O woeful day!
• When people say that something is wrong because the Bible says so: The Devil can cite scripture for his purpose.
• When my girlfriend abandons me for food: FRAILTY, THY NAME IS WOMAN!
• When someone doesn't thank me for holding the door open for them: BLOW, BLOW, BLOW, THOU WINTER WIND! THOU ART NOT SO UNKIND AS MAN'S INGRATITUDE!
• When I burn something while cooking: MY CAKE IS DOUGH!
• When human stupidity frustrates me: LORD, WHAT FOOLS THESE MORTALS BE!
• When someone says I'm going to hell for my sins: NYMPH, IN THY ORISONS BE ALL MY SINS REMEMBER'D.
• When I'm broke: My pride fell with my fortunes
• When someone turns the light on after a period of darkness and blinding light ensues: OH, SHE DOTH TEACH THE TORCHES TO BURN BRIGHT!
• When someone disagrees with me: THERE ARE MORE THINGS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH, HORATIO, THEN ARE DREAMT OF IN YOUR PHILOSOPHY.
• When I argue with my girlfriend: The course of true love never did run smooth.
• When I'm embarrassed: MUST I HOLD A CANDLE TO MY SHAMES?!
• Someone says "Good Night": Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.
• When I'm doing the laundry: OUT, damned spot!